Making Room, Getting unstuck

I've gotten stuck in a role - probably by my own making. My community validated self-appropriated title as "LA Tech Maven + Connector + Visionary" has got me stuck. I feel like a mom who doesn't like who her children are becoming and doesn't like who they are hanging out with. My passion for promoting LA tech has fizzled. I've been trying to rally myself and get excited because of all people here, I should be able to take this to the next level - and that was my dream. I am also not a quitter. I also don't shy from competition. But, I also don't do something that has no more passion for me.

There are too many cooks in the kitchen and I don't like the cooks or what is getting cooked up. I wonder, is it too hot for me to handle? Can I stand the pressure? Why not just bulldog my way through? If I had the passion and drive, yes, but the passion is gone.

Where and when did that passion go?

• It left when I got pushed out of BarcampLA leadership (yes, that story has not been publicly told) and those leaders became hypocritical.
• It left when all these tech events exploded on the scene and no one was coordinating w/ each other.
• It left when throwing a tech event became a business.
• It left when LA events were replications of SV events.
• It left when Silicon Valley came to LA looking for a red carpet stroke my ego circle jerk.

I have big big dream. I dream of a connected LA Tech community. But right now it's like a 12 course meal being prepared by 12 different chefs; competing, jostling to hit the same target market. It's a land grab, mad rush to create your event, your brand and make a stake. Ugh. Sorry, that kind of activity make me want to puke. I can't help but remember Gloria's words about how the universe is abundant. I agree with her.

I've been angsting over what I want to do for months. What is best for the community? For my dreams?  There is no good answer. And bottom line, I don't like some of the personalities in the mix. (And I'm not one of these people who dislikes people for no reason - I have to have reasons to not like you otherwise I keep giving you chances.)

I am going to take a break. Work on my metaphorical broken watches or lamps. I am going to focus on the things that have my passion - like my new desert ranch, learning to professionally stunt car drive, building my company - The Purple Tornado, and helping my clients take their companies to the next level.

I'm not leaving, nor giving up. I'm watching you LA Tech Community (and community leaders). Watching everything. And I'll keep doing what I do, to make it stay real - to make you stay real - and ultimately for us all to evolve into something bigger than ourselves.